Cousin Who?
by RockSunner
Summary: The twins find out a secret about their family history: Pacifica is their cousin! Adopted with permission from WendyCorduroy353. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch and Disney, not me.
1. Our Northwest American Cousin

The twins find out a secret about their family history: Pacifica is their cousin! Adopted with permission from ~WendyCorduroy353. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me.

**Chapter 1: Our Northwest American Cousin**

**Dipper**

"BLAARRG!"

I was sitting on my messily-made bed, reading _The Sibling Brothers And The Case Of The Caper-Case-Caper_, when Mabel walked in, stomping her feet angrily on the cracked floor and mumbling to herself.

"What's wrong, Sis?" I put my book down and went to her side.

"_Pacifica..._" She sneered.

"Ah. What did she say this time?"

Mabel sat down, with a hard thump on the floor. "She said I'm weird and stupid and my whole family is messed up." She stared at the floor.

I realized when it had happened. Mabel had just gone onstage with Pacifica for the Pioneer Day opening ceremony, when Grunkle Stan ran up and demanded we help him push his car out of the mud. He was going to ask Steve the auto mechanic for help, but then he realized that the man was dressed for Pioneer Day and he would pretend cars didn't exist. So would everyone else; Mabel and I were the only ones he could get. So Pacifica must have turned off her microphone and whispered rude things to Mabel right before she left the stage. After we pushed Grunkle Stan's car out of the mud, Mabel suddenly decided she had enough of Pioneer Day and we both went home with Grunkle Stan. Now I knew why.

"Oh, Mabel..." I sighed as I sat down next to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

Stan came up the stairs, I knew because they creak a lot. "What's going on, Mabel?" Stan asked, looking concerned.

"_Pacifica..._" Mabel sneered again.

"I can't believe someone like that is actually related to you..." Stan said.

"WHAT?!" Mabel shrieked, standing up. I stood with her.

"Your parents never told you? Pacifica is your cousin," Stan explained.

"Oh no, Oh no, My worst enemy is my cousin," Mabel paced back and forth. "Oh no, Oh no, where's my grappling hook?"

Mabel started searching for her grappling hook.

"Mabel, calm down! We already knew Mom had a sister, Auntie Holly, remember?" I told her.

"Yeah, but I _didn't_ know she had a daughter. Let alone _Pacifica_..." Mabel said, again sneering the rich girl's name.

I thought for a moment when an unanswered question popped into my mind.

"Do you think Pacifica knows?" I wondered aloud.

"Probably not, since she's always being mean to me."

Mabel had been having problems with Pacifica a lot in the past few weeks. An idea grew in my mind... If Pacifica knew we were cousins... Maybe she'd leave Mabel alone!

"Gotta go, Mabes! Be back by dinner!"

_(10 minutes later)_

"WHAAT?!" I had rode in the mystery cart (A golf cart) over to the Northwest household and explained the situation to Pacifica. She was currently freaking out.

"Oh no, Oh no, My worst enemy is my cousin," Pacifica paced back and forth in her carpeted, fully furnished living room. "Oh no, Oh no, Where's my eye shadow?"

Pacifica started searching for her eye shadow. Suddenly, she stopped and stared, slowly turning her head to face me. "Does that mean... You... are..."

I nodded.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Pacifica shrieked, flailing her arms wildly.

I covered my ears. Pacifica started breathing heavily, trying to catch her breath from screaming so loud.

"Are you o-"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Pacifica interrupted. "I WANT A DNA TEST!" She screamed.

* * *

"I can verify that we indeed need a hair sample from you both." The doctor said.

Pacifica and I were now at the hospital, trying to get a DNA test.

"No way! You will _never_ get my hair!" Pacifica said, stomping her feet.

Just then, Mabel burst through the door. "I'm on it!" she said, holding her grappling hook.

"How did you get that through security?" I asked her.

"Hey! You come back here, girl! Weapons aren't allowed!" A man's voice said.

Mabel closed the door. "ONWARDS AOSHIMA!" Mabel screamed as she fired the grappling hook at Pacifica's head.

"OW!" Pacifica screamed.

Mabel pressed a button on it and the hook pulled back into place, along with a lock of Pacifica's hair. And an earring.

"How am I related to _that_!?" She motioned to Mabel.

"HEY!" Mabel said.

"You can't put lip gloss on a pig and think it's pretty, hon," Pacifica said.

I thought I should stay out of it; Mabel has watched enough soap operas she can handle it.

"Well, I think a pig would be very pretty with lip gloss on!" Mabel countered as she handed Pacifica's hair to the doctor.

"You and that girl are twins, right?" The doctor asked me.

"Yes," I answered.

"I need another sample, yours will work."

I took off my hat and he clipped off a piece of my hair and started working.

Mabel and Pacifica were still shouting insults at each other.

Pacifica ripped Mabel's nacho earrings out. "These are just nachos!" Pacifica said.

Mabel grabbed Pacifica's hair and yanked it out. "Well this isn't even hair!" Mabel shouted.

"My extensions!"

"MABEL! PACIFICA!" I shouted at them.

"I can verify that you two are indeed related." The doctor said.

Everyone in the room went silent.

"Woah, awkward silence...BLAAAHHH!" Mabel said after five minutes.

"Mabel?" Pacifica asked.

"Yeah?" said Mabel.

"I'm sorry..." Pacifica sighed. "I... I always made fun of you... because... I was jealous."

Me and Mabel gasped in unison.

"I mean, people actually like you, because you're funny, silly, and being yourself... They only like me because I'm rich; no-one likes me, for me." Pacifica said.

"Aww, Pacifica... Here, have your hair back!" Mabel gave Pacifica her extensions.

"Awkward cousin hug?" Pacifica asked.

"Awkward cousin hug."

Then they said in unison as they hugged, "Pat, pat."

* * *

The story so far was started by ~WendyCorduroy353 and has been adopted by RockSunner with her permission. (I have just reformatted it a bit for my preferred style, with a paragraph per speaker). A small revision makes this an AU starting on Pioneer Day.


	2. All's Fair in Love and Time Travel

**All's Fair in Love and Time Travel**

**Mabel's POV**

When we got back home from the hospital (after I dodged the security guard again), Dipper got out his nerdy "3" book.

"It's good Cousin Pacifica made up with you. If that hadn't worked, I had a way to get back at her."

"Oh, what was it?" I asked.

"I feel like I read something about Pacifica's great-great grandfather before," Dipper said.

He opened the book and read in a funny old-timer voice: "In my investigations..." He stopped and said in his normal voice, "Should- should I do the voice?"

I shook my head.

"I'll just read... normal," Dipper said. "In my investigations I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the founder of Gravity Falls! I believe the proof of this secret is buried somewhere on the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code."

"No, we're not digging into that, Dipstick," I said. "Pacifica's part of our family now. Anything that embarrasses her family embarrasses our family, right?"

"I guess," said Dipper. "But look at this paper. It would make a great mystery to solve together."

I snatched the paper from him. "It would make a great paper hat!"

I folded the paper into a hat and stuck it on my head. When Dipper started to stare at it curiously, I took it off my head and stuck it under my mattress before he could get a good look. Case closed.

* * *

A few days later was the Mystery Shack Fair. I had bought myself two large cotton candies to start my sugar rush, when I saw Dipper staring all mushy-eyed after Wendy.

I heard Dipper whisper, "... I love you!"

"Look at you two! Getting all romantic at the fair!" I said.

"Come on, it's no big deal."

"Yeah, it is!"

"Okay, you're right, it is!" said Dipper. "Isn't this amazing? I just dove in! I said, 'Hey! You wanna hang out at the fair?' And you know what she said?" He paused for a second, remembering. "'Yeah, I guess so!' It totally worked! All your advice about just going for it, it's finally paying off!"

"When are you gonna learn, Dipper? I'm always right about everything! Hey, do you smell a gallon of body spray?" I said.

Robbie walked up, "Hey, have either of you dorks seen Wendy around?"

"Who wants to know?" asked Dipper.

Robbie took some of my cotton candy, and I said, "Hey!"

"Yeah, I got some new super tight jeans," said Robbie. Thought she might want to check 'em out."

Dipper said, "Yeah! You know, I think I saw her in the Bottomless Pit. You should really go jump in there."

"Maybe I will, smart guy," said Robbie, bumping into Dipper as he left.

"He is such a jerk," I said.

"Yeah, but he's a jerk with tight pants and a guitar. I need to keep him away from Wendy at all costs," said Dipper.

"Don't worry, brother. Whatever happens, I'll be right here, supporting you every step of the..."

Then I saw the sign: "Win a Pig" and everything else left my mind.

"OH MY GOSH A PIG!" I yelled as I ran for the pig pen.

"If'n you can guess the critter's weight, you can take the critter home!" said the carny.

I looked over the pen, and there I saw him, with his adorable black eyes looking tenderly at me. Love at first sight.

"Oooi ooel," said the pig.

I gasped, "He said 'Mabel'! Either that or 'doorbell'. Did you say 'Mabel' or 'doorbell'?"

"Oooi ooel"

"Oooooooh!" He said my name!

Just then Cousin Pacifica came by with her friends.

"Look Pacifica, Mabel's found her real twin," said one of the friends.

"Lay off her," said Pacifica. "She's my cousin."

"Oh, oh sorry, Pacifica," said the friend.

I smiled at the new Pacifica. Then I turned back to the carny. "Sir, I must have that pig!"

The carny said, "Ah, old 15-Poundie! So, how much you guessin' he weighs?"

I said, "Um, 15 pounds?"

The carny said, "Are you some kind of witch? Well, here's your pig."

He tried to give me a knife and fork too, but I just glared at him.

"Everything is different now," I whispered as I hugged my pig.

I went and found my brother holding a broken bag of ice.

"Look, Dipper! I won my pet pig! His name is Waddles. I call him that because he waddles! Waaaaaaaa-ddles!"

"Everything is different now," said Dipper.

"What are you lookin' at?" I said.

Dipper pointed at Robbie and Wendy getting on a ride called the "Tunnel of Love and Corn-dogs."

I said, "Oooh..."

* * *

That evening, when the fair was nearly over, I saw Dipper flat on his back in a Slopey Toss game. He needed cheering up bad, so I put a doctor costume on Waddles.

I said, "Paging, Dr. Waddles, we got a boy here with a broken heart. Haha! Come on, man. These are the jokes."

"Mabel, do you ever wish you could go back and undo just one mistake?" asked Dipper.

I said, "Nope! I do everything right, all the time!"

I played with Waddles while Dipper ranted about what went wrong. I wasn't paying much attention until Dipper yelled, "...That guy! Hey, you! Toolbelt! You ruined my life!"

Dipper walked over to a strange-looking bald man in a jumpsuit, wearing goggles. I followed.

"Don't hand me. I've seen you before, what's your deal? Are you following us?" asked Dipper.

"And why are you bald? What's that all about?" I asked.

The man said, "AAAAAGH! My position has been compromised! Assuming stealth mode!"

He played with his watch and his jumpsuit turned all weird colors. "Color match! Initiating color match! Come on, dang it!"

"That's amazing! Aah! Are you from the future or something?" I asked.

The man said, "Uh, NO! Who told you that?! MEMORY WIPE!"

He threw a wipe at my face. I pulled it off and said, "This is a baby wipe."

"All right, you've cornered me. I'm... a time traveler."

"So wait a minute, if you're from the future, do you have like a time machine, or something?" asked Dipper,

"That's... kinda how it works," said the time traveler.

* * *

Later that evening, Dipper and I had managed to steal the guy's measuring-tape time machine and we were sitting at the living-room table.

"Here it is, Mabel. Our ticket to any moment in history," said Dipper.

I said, "Let's go get two dodos and force them to make out!" It was a super good cause: extinction prevention.

"No!" said Dipper. "We gotta be smart about this. All that paradox talk kinda freaked me out. All I'm gonna do is go back and fix my one mistake. If I don't miss that baseball throw, I won't hit Wendy in the eye, and Robbie won't comfort her, and they won't start going out."

"I'm coming, too!" I said. "I wanna relive the greatest moment in my life: winning Waddles." I kissed my pig.

We prepared to use the time machine.

Dipper said, "See you later."

I said, "See you earlier! Yuk yuk yuk!"

* * *

Grunkle Stan said, "It's 12 o'clock! The dunk tank is now open! Step right up and dunk me, folks! I'm talking to you, Cut-offs!"

Dipper said, "Do-over?"

I said, "Do over!"

The carny said, "If'n you can guess the..."

I picked up Waddles. "15 POUNDS! And yes, I am a witch!"

I bought Waddles a caramel apple and went back to Dipper.

Dipper said, "The exact same thing happened twice; it was spooky."

I said, "Ooh, maybe it's a time-curse. Waddles, can you say time-curse?"

Waddles said, "Ooim ouurse."

I held Waddles close, "Oooh! Your face is so fat!" I was over-the-moon happy.

Dipper said, "It is possible that the forces of time naturally conspire to undo any new out comes? No, I just need to try again. Third time's the charm!"

I said, "How hard could it be?"

We went back in time over and over. Each time I had fun re-winning Waddles. Each time Dipper hit Wendy in the eye and lost her to Robbie. I did different fun things with Waddles each time, like taking pictures in the photo booth, eating pizza, and riding the Ferris wheel and shouting, "I LOVE MY PIG!"

The next time, Dipper worked out a mathy-looking equation on the side of a popcorn machine.

"Face it, Dipper, you're obviously fated to have a bad day at the fair, just like I'm fated to be with Waddles," I said, holding up the Waddles sweater I just knitted.

Dipper said, "Like there's variable missing..."

I said, "What's a variable?"

He looked through the popcorn machine glass at me. "That's it! I've figured out to win the toss, not hit Wendy, and stop Wendy and Robbie from going out!"

"Awesome! I'm gonna go win my pig again," I said.

Dipper said, "Whoa whoa whoa, you can't leave, I need you for my plan!"

I said, "But what about Waddles?"

"It'll just take a few minutes, let's go!" said Dipper. He explained what I had to do.

From the roof of the Shack, I saw Dipper set up his amazing throw. At the right moment I lifted up a rain gutter to launch it just where Dipper wanted. He won the panda-duck for Wendy without hitting her, this time.

I came back down and Dipper gave me the thumbs up.

"Anytime, broseph. Now to win my pig. AAAH!" I said.

Over at the "Win A Pig" booth, the carny was handing the pig to Pacifica.

"It's all yours!" said the carny. "No one else's! Ol' 15-Poundie. Yours. Forever!"

Pacifica leashed up Waddles and started tugging him away. Waddles was squealing.

I ran to her, "Cousin Pacifica, what are you doing? That's my pig. I was going to win him!"

Pacifica nodded. "I saw you wanted him. Then you disappeared somewhere. So I won him for you, before someone else did. It was a cinch to guess his weight. They named him 15-Poundie. Can you believe it?"

Pacifica handed Waddle's leash to me. I squealed with joy and swept Waddles up into my arms.

"Pacifica Northwest, you are the sweetest, nicest, cousin in the world!" I said.

"Hey, I have a reputation for meanness to keep up," said Pacifica.

"You did something soooo wonderful for me," I said. "What can I do for you?"

"Invite me for dinner when you barbeque him?" asked Pacifica.

"Aaaagh!" I cried, holding Waddles away from her.

"Just kidding," said Pacifica.

"Don't worry, you have plenty of meanness left," I told her. "But I still love you."

I saw Dipper having fun at the fair with Wendy. It had turned out to be a perfect day for both of us, after all.

* * *

A little later I went into the house for my llama wool and knitted Pacifica a thank-you sweater. I changed into my own copy and went to find her, leaving Waddles in the bedroom.

"Here, Cousin Pacifica. I want you to have this," I said, holding up the sweater.

"I'm... not usually much for funny animals on clothes," said Pacifica.

"This is a serious animal. Llama's are nature's greatest fighters, according to my brother," I said.

"Well, I am a fighter," Pacifica said. She put the sweater on.

"See, they're facing different ways. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but deep down we're alike," I said.

"Really deep down..." said Pacifica.

Gompers the goat wandered by and his yellow horizontal eyes looked at Pacifica in her llama sweater.

I almost thought I heard a "Click."


	3. To be Queen Bee or Not to be Queen Bee

**To be Queen Bee or Not to be Queen Bee**

**Pacifica's POV**

Mabel went off with her pig to show her brother.

My two posse members, Heather O'Leary and Heather McNally, showed up.

"Pacifica, what are you doing?" said Heather O'Leary.

"You can't sink to the level of a low-life commoner, even if she is your cousin," said Heather McNally.

"I saw you. You won a pig for her in a weight-guessing contest," said Heather O'Leary.

"Then you let her give you a cheesy friendship sweater with a funny animal on it," said Heather McNally, pointing to the sweater I was still wearing.

"I can do and wear what I like," I said.

"No, you can't," said Heather McNally. "You have an image to keep up."

"If you don't maintain high standards, we'll start following Heather Mulligan as our Queen Bee instead," said Heather O'Leary.

"You wouldn't dare," I said.

"We would," said Heather O'Leary.

"That girl, Mabel Pines, is a low-life goof," said Heather McNally. "Besides, she works for the sleaziest man in town, Mr. 'Slumford' Pines."

"He's my Cousin Mabel's great-uncle, which makes him my great-uncle by marriage," I said.

Just then, a group of actors in sci-fi convention costumes appeared out of nowhere. After some angry conversation I didn't catch, one of them shot a weapon on his wrist at the lever for the dunk tank where Mr. Pines had been baiting people all day. The lever broke and he fell in the water. Everyone laughed.

"You see?" I said. "Mr. Pines hired some actors to dunk him after everyone else failed. That shows he's a good sport. He's not as bad as people make him out to be."

"You're getting soft, Pacifica," said Heather O'Leary.

"We mean it about Heather Mulligan," said Heather McNally.

"Do what you like," I said. "I don't care."

They walked away, heads held high.

I did care, a bit. I was pushing away my partners in bullying, the life I was used to. All for the friendship of a goofy cousin and her brother who would be gone at the end of the summer, leaving me to face school at the bottom of the heap.

But when Mabel was so grateful I won her the pig, and she gave me a silly sweater, it was the first time in a long time that I was appreciated for doing something nice. My chest felt warm, and it wasn't just from wearing a fuzzy sweater on a hot day.

When school started I could claw my way back up to the top again if I had to. But for now, I was going to try the Mabel way.

I felt a prickle at the back of my neck, and when I turned I saw a girl whose hair from the back looked a lot like Mabel's, but it wasn't her; Mabel was on the other side of the yard with Dipper.

Oh well, nothing to worry about.


	4. Llamas Within Wheels

**Llamas Within Wheels  
**

**Lebam's POV**

I was watching from the sidelines, hidden behind a video game at the Arcade.

Dipper and Wendy were playing a game of Fight Fighters.

"Watch out! Wow! Ooh, cutscene!" said Dipper.

"DR. KARATE, YOU KILLED MY FATHER AGAIN!" said Rumble McSkirmish.

"HHNNGHHHH!" said Dr. Karate.

"YOU TAKE THAT BAAACKKKK!" said Rumble.

"Fight!" said the game referee.

Dipper and Wendy made their game figures kick and punch.

"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Go! Go!" Dipper yelled as he won.

"K.O! The winner: Rumble Mcskirmish!" said the game ref.

"WINNERS DON'T LOSE!" said Rumble.

"What? You cheated," said Wendy.

"You take that baaackkkk!" said Dipper in a voice like Rumble's, and he laughed.

"Round 2!" said the game ref.

"I'm gonna punch the ref," said Wendy, and the game urged them to fight.

"Let's gang up on him," said Wendy, laughing.

Robbie came in and put up a flyer for his band, "Robbie V and the Tombstones."

Robbie said, "Wendy! What's up? Yeah, just putting up some flyers for my band. I'm playing lead guitar. No biggie."

"Are you wearing mascara?" Dipper asked.

"Uh, it's eye-paint for men," said Robbie.

"Hey Robbie, Dipper was just showing me this great game," said Wendy.

"Ha, yeah, sweet, sweet. Hey, how about you sit this one out, okay champ?" said Robbie.

"But, we just started this round," said Dipper.

"Woah, woah, hey! Relax man, I'm just trying to spend a little time with my... with Wendy, alright?"

"Dipper's right," said Wendy. "We just started this round. I'm going to keep playing with Dipper. It's not like I'm going out with you, Robbie."

Robbie glared at Dipper and started to leave the Arcade. I caught up with him. Mabel was out of sight somewhere else in the Arcade.

"Hi Mabel," said Robbie in a discouraged tone.

"Hi Robbie," I said. "In my opinion my brother needs to be taken down a peg. Here, take this code for ultimate power in the Fight Fighters game."

I handed him a piece of paper.

"You know the Konami codes for Fight Fighter?" asked Robbie.

"I suggest you practice it alone first," I said. "When nobody is watching."

"Thanks, Mabel," said Robbie, walking away more confidently.

I thought, "That ought to get Mabel in trouble with Dipper."

Ever since I had sent Mabel the anonymous text that told her to go to the warehouse to rescue Dipper, I had sensed that I was in trouble with Bill and Gompers, for being disloyal to my master, Gideon. I was born loving him. It may have been something the creation spell did to my mind, but I couldn't help myself. So when Gideon chose Mabel over me and wanted to remove Dipper as an obstacle, I had to do something; I had to try to save him.

Now they had replaced me on the Wheel with a new Llama. I was going to have to deal with Pacifica later. But first Mabel, to get back at her for destroying Gideon's amulet.

* * *

Later, I was following Mabel lead a blindfolded Grunkle Stan, keeping out of sight.

Mabel said, "Just a second, Grunkle Stan, I see a friend I want to talk to."

Stan said, "Sure, leave your Grunkle blindfolded on the sidewalk, on Great Uncle's day, no less."

Mabel walked over to Pacifica and spoke to her quietly. I could easily listen in with my llama hearing. (I have llama powers because of being created from Mabel's llama-hair sweater as well as a bit of her hair.)

"Hi Pacifica," said Mabel.

"Hi Mabel," said Pacifica. "Where's Waddles?"

"At home being the perfect pet pig," said Mabel. "I left him at home for this mission. I'm going to cure Grunkle Stan's fear of heights by leading him to the scenic cliff near Gideon's warehouse. Want to come along?"

"Sorry, Mabel," said Pacifica. "Randy Ottermole is getting a new car from his father today, and he promised me the first ride in it."

Pacifica's cell phone rang. "Hello, Randy? I'm downtown near the water tower. When are you coming by? What? A video game fighter destroyed your new car with his bare hands? That's the worst excuse I ever heard. If you don't want to go out with me, just say so."

She hung up on him.

Mabel said, "That may be my brother's doing. Robbie Vale came over this afternoon and challenged him to a fight over Wendy. He was going to hide, and then he got the video game fighter Rumble McSkirmish to be his bodyguard. That may be who destroyed your friend's car."

Pacifica said, "Stop being silly. I'm upset and it feels like you're teasing me."

Mabel said, "I didn't mean to. Sorry, Pacifica."

It was time to make my move. I went over to Grunkle Stan while they were distracted and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Ok, Grunkle Stan. Let's finish our walk," I said.

I led him up the ladder to the top of the water tower, a much scarier place than Mabel had planned on.

"Take off your blindfold now!" I said.

Grunkle Stan took it off and stared at the ground far below. "Yeah, that was pretty much what I was expecting."

"You're doing better than I thought," I said. "Now let go of the hand-rail."

"No!" said Stan.

"Hey, do you smell anger, and hormones?" I asked. My llama senses were kicking in again.

Robbie came up the ladder, panting hard.

"Hey Robbie! Get your own water tower," I said.

"Keep it down, they'll find us!" said Robbie.

Rumble McSkirmish was below, looking for a way to bring his opponent to the ground. "You can hide, but you cannot hide!"

Rumble began punching the leg of the tower, making it sway.

"We're safe, right?" I asked. Mh natural llama height fearlessness was beginning to crumble.

"Of course not!" said Stan. "This thing is on stilts, high, high up!"

The tower continued to sway, Robbie fell off (only to be caught by Rumble), and Stan and I ran around like chickens.

Then Dr. Karate, the fighter Robbie had summoned to fight on his side, came up, and the fight moved elsewhere.

"HHNNGHHHH!" said Dr. Karate.

"YOU TAKE THAT BAAACKKKK!" said Rumble.

The tower finally steadied. I stood petrified beside Stan.

"I'm sorry, Grunkle Stan. I thought this would help, but I was wrong," I said. "So wrong!"

"I survived," said Stan. "I survived and I feel great! Wait, let me do a cocky dance, just to be sure."

He waggled his hips and made funny musical sounds.

"Ha! Deal with it, world. Stan Pines has cured his fear of heights!"

He went to the ladder. "Coming, kid?"

"Uh-uh," I said, standing frozen.

"What's the matter? You got a fear of heights now?"

I didn't answer, but turned my face away from the ladder.

"Oh-oh," said Stan. "Wait right there, I'll go for help."

He went down the ladder and headed down the street. He ran into Mabel and Pacifica.

"Mabel, you're all right!" he said.

"Yes, I'm fine, Grunkle Stan," said Mabel.

"Good. I'm over my fear of heights, but I was worried about you for a minute there," said Stan. "Let's go home."

"All right, Grunkle Stan," said Mabel. "See you later, Pacifica."

"Later," said Pacifica.

I looked down from the top of the water tower and shuddered. Now what was I going to do?


	5. Small Fry

**Small Fry**

**Dipper's POV**

Mabel asked me, "Dipping-sauce, have you seen a double of me around?"

She was probably just being silly, but I gave her a straight answer, "I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

"Stan said something funny about going up on the water tower with me," Mabel said. "I was going to lead him somewhere high-up, to cure his fear of heights, but not there. I never did, and he got over his fear by himself."

"What did he say?" I asked.

"That he was glad going up on the water tower with him didn't have any long-lasting effects, something like that," said Mabel. "I didn't say anything back because I was too surprised."

"You could have a doppelganger," I said. I got out journal "3" and looked up the pages. I read aloud: "Doppelgangers are shape-changers. Once they adopt the shape of a person they continue to look like that person until they kill them and take over their life."

"Blargh!" said Mabel. "I don't want a doppelganger. She wouldn't run my life as well as I do."

"I'll keep an eye out for you," I said. "I mean, for another you."

"Let's stick close together for a while," Mabel suggested. "Why don't we do a tournament of games?"

"Games?" I asked.

"Yeah, you got hurt in that fight with Robbie and the video game characters, right?" Mabel asked.

"Bruised a little, is all," I said.

That wasn't true. I was hurting pretty badly but I didn't want to admit it. Robbie and I had fought over Wendy, and between Rumble McSkimish, Dr. Karate, and Robbie I got banged up a lot. But then Wendy came back from camping with her family and said she didn't like guys fighting over her, so now Robbie and I just hate each other from a distance.

"Well, until you heal and can do fun stuff like rolling down hills and climbing trees to get owls to mate, let's do some sit-down games like chess and checkers," said Mabel.

"Just the two of us?" I asked.

"I was thinking of inviting Cousin Pacifica, too,": Mabel said. "That way, if you always win, I'll only lose half as much and I won't feel so bad."

"You really like her now, don't you?" I asked.

"Not all the time. She can be a terror, but she saved Waddles for me at the fair," said Mabel. "That covers a lot of faults."

* * *

Pacifica came over and we started a checkers tournament. I won all the games, of course; I'm just smarter at games. Mabel kept suggesting silly rule variations like "peaceful co-existence" checkers where she set up her pieces on the black squares while I set up on the red, but I held her to the rules and kept winning. Pacifica played against me once, then decided she would just sit back and watch.

While we were playing, Mabel asked, "Cousin Pacifica... do you think I have a double?"

"You mean, do I think it's possible to duplicate a human being?" Pacifica said.

"Yes," said Mabel.

"It's possible," said Pacifica, giving me an intent look. "Remember when we competed at the dance party?"

"Yes, and I'm sorry we started off on such a bad foot," said Mabel.

"You were doing well dancing and singing, and I was jealous. I went out past the bathroom to regroup, and I saw Dipper coming out of a room with a bunch of copies of himself. I hid around a corner and he didn't see me."

She pointed at me, "Right, Dipper?"

"I... you saw me?" I stammered. "It was a weird old copier Grunkle Stan fixed up. We discovered it could make copies of human beings."

"Why did you copy yourself?" Pacifica asked.

"I, umm..." I started.

"He thought it would help him ask Wendy to dance," Mabel cut in. "I told you to just ask her, you goofus."

I blushed. "Don't tell everyone that!"

"She's our cousin, so it's all right," said Mabel.

"I won't tell," said Pacifica. "I'll blackmail you about it, though."

"I don't think so," I said. "Because you made a copy yourself."

"I... How did you know?" asked Pacifica.

"I saw you on the dance floor, and a minute later a pale, angry version of you came out of the bathroom right in front of me," I said. "Wendy and I were right at the door. There was no way you could get in without us seeing you."

"All right, I admit it," said Pacifica. "After I saw you come out with the copies, I went into that office myself. I had to try it for myself. I thought maybe a second copy could help me somehow to drum up votes and win. Terrible idea. Her color was so faded. I told her she was colorless and could never act as a helper to me. She got mad and hid in the bathroom. I went back to the party. I never saw what she did after that."

"Pacifica, that was mean," said Mabel. "I wonder where your copy is now?"

"Copier clones don't last long," I said. "She didn't know about how they dissolve in liquids, so she probably drank something by now and dissolved herself."

"Eeek!" said Pacifica. "I wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially not a copy of me."

"Maybe she met up with my 3 and 4 in the woods," I said, to make Mabel and Pacifica feel better. "They never came back from an errand I sent them on. They could have told her about the dangers of water, and maybe they're all safe somewhere dry."

* * *

We continued the tournament for a few more days, moving on from checkers to chess, then worked our way up to ping-pong and croquet as I started feeling better. I creamed them in every game.

Soos was working nearby as we went back to chess, inside the gift shop. He asked Mabel to get something off a shelf for him, saying she was one millimeter taller than me. Unfortunately, Mabel and Pacifica were feeling so put down by all the losses that they got back at me with short jokes, and then Grunkle Stan joined in.

I retreated to my bedroom to consult the Journal for height-altering answers. I found a page that led me to a place in the woods where there were crystals that could make things grow or shrink, depending on which side the light shone through. I braved the dangers of that place (getting away with only a bite from a tiny mountain lion on my thumb), and I made a size-altering flashlight and used it to gain height on Mabel.

First I just equalized our heights, but that wasn't enough. Mabel still claimed to be the "alpha twin," so I grew even more.

"What happened?" Mabel asked when she and Pacifica entered the bedroom and found out how tall I was.

"You know, puberty and stuff," I said.

"It doesn't make any sense. Just a second ago you were- wait a minute! This is some kinda magicky thing. Isn't it? Was it a wizard or something? There's a wizard in this closet, isn't there? Isn't there!?"

"What? No!" I said.

Mabel said, "You're telling me that there is not a wizard in this closet. You're telling me that if I open this door right now-"

I said, "Fine! Open it!"

Mabel opened the closet door and found nothing. "An invisible wizard! REALLY Dipper?"

Pacifica protested, "Mabel, there's no wizard in there. But he did use some trick, like the copier. There's no way he could have just grown that much."

I finally admitted it was a magic flashlight, and we started to fight over it.

As we left the room, Mabel called to the "invisible wizard", "I'll be back for you later."

In the yard, the battle continued, with each growing or shrinking parts of each other, until the flashlight ended up in the hands of Gideon Gleeful. He shrunk us all and put us in a glass jar.

* * *

Gideon took the jar home and shook us all out on his desk, where he had made a small model of the Mystery Shack using popsicle sticks.

"What are you going to do with us?" asked Mabel.

Gideon laughed "Why Mabel, I wouldn't hurt a hair on your itty-bitty head - if you agree to be my queen!"

"We live in a democracy!" said Mabel. "And never!"

"Maybe you'll change your mind after THIS!" said Gideon, picking Mabel up.

Mabel said, "No! I will fight you until the day I..."

Gideon put her inside a bag of candy.

Mabel said, "Gummy Koalas! Mmm!" She started in on a green one.

"What about me?" asked Pacifica.

"You're parents are rich," said Gideon. "I'll just hold you for ransom."

"As for you, boy," said Gideon, turning a bright lamp on me. "Tell me, how exactly did you come upon this magic item? Hmm? Did somebody tell you about it? Did you... READ about it somewhere?"

"Lean closer and I'll tell you!" I said.

When Gideon leaned in, I set off an air horn in his ear.

Gideon got so angry he nearly squashed us, but instead he said, "Steel yourself, Gideon... You can use them. You can use them..."

Gideon tried to ransom Mabel and I for the Mystery Shack to Stan over the phone. Stan didn't believe him, and hung up when Gideon said he would text him a photo. Then Gideon came to the realization that the shrinking ray could be a weapon, that he could shrink Stan and take the shack without any need for ransom.

He was interrupted by the arrival of the ice cream truck. He was going to leave his hamster, Cheekums, to guard us, but he had a better idea.

"Lebam, come out," he said. "Guard my prisoners until I come back."

The wardrobe door opened and a giant-sized (to us) copy of Mabel came out.

"A doppelganger!" I yelled.

"Yes," said Gideon. "This is my magical mirror doppelganger of Mabel. She does whatever I tell her, so you'd better be good. Ta-ta, ice cream and then victory over Stanford Pines awaits."

He left the room, giggling.

"Who and what are you?" Pacifica called up to Lebam.

"Like my master Gideon said, I'm a mirror duplicate of Mabel," said Lebam.

"If you're like me, you have to let us go," said Mabel. "Please don't take over my life."

"I'm just like you except for one little thing," said Lebam. "I love Gideon."

"What? How could you love him?" asked Mabel.

"I can't help it," said Lebam. "I was made that way."

"Let us go and you can have him," I said. "You deserve each other."

"I wish it were that simple," said Lebam. "He loves you, Mabel. He thinks I'm second best."

Pacifica said, "You could let me go... I'm not your rival."

Lebam gave a terrible cracked laugh. "You're my worst rival of all, Pacifica. I could tolerate Mabel having Gideon for a little while, if I could be with him forever after that. But you've stolen my place on the Wheel. You're the one who gets him forever now."

"You... you're insane!" said Pacifica. "I don't want Gideon."

"What you want and what you'll get are two different things," said Lebam.

"What are you talking about, the Wheel?" I asked.

"I shouldn't have said that," said Lebam. "But it doesn't matter now. I know what I have to do. You tried to escape and I had to destroy you all."

She shook Mabel out of her bag of Gummy Koalas.

"Please don't knock us off the table," I said, trying a "briar patch" ruse. "The fall would kill us. It would be like falling fifty feet for us."

Lebam shuddered at the mention of heights, but she fell for it. With one arm she swept us all off the table.

What she didn't realize was that, since we were shrunk, we were proportionally lighter. A fall from that distance wouldn't do us much harm, and it would give us a chance to run.

I hit the ground rolling, as I had learned from my leaping training with the Manotaurs. Mabel took her fall well also, as I knew she would from her kickboxing lessons.

Even Pacifica rolled to her feet. "Parkour classes," she said.

"Good. Now run!" I told them.

We ran for the door and down the hall. When we reached the stairs we jumped down them one at a time.

Lebam came after us, but when she reached the stairs she froze. "Heights! I can't... I just can't..."

The three of us managed to sneak out of the house through a doggie door, and we used a flying discount dollar balloon to fly back to the Mystery Shack just as Gideon arrived by bus.

"I wish we had one of those Gummy Koalas," said Mabel. "I could distract him by dropping a piece of one in his hair."

We couldn't find anything to use before Gideon went inside. We were down to the porch when Gideon came out again, carrying a jar with both Soos and Grunkle Stan inside.

Now what were we going to do?


	6. Small Free

**Small Free**

_We couldn't find anything to use before Gideon went inside. We were down to the porch when Gideon came out again, carrying a jar with both Soos and Grunkle Stan inside._

_Now what were we going to do?_

**Pacifica's POV**

"We've got time to do something," Mabel said. "Gideon came by bus, so he has to wait at least half an hour before the next one arrives."

"Good point, Sis," said Dipper. "I should have thought of that. The bus schedule's so much of our daily lives that I ought to have it memorized by now."

"I have an idea," I said. "I see an old piece of string from a kid's yo-yo over there on the ground. Let's get it."

We clipped off a good length of string with Dipper's scissors from his Swiss army knife.

"Now we carry this to Gideon. We're so small we can sneak up on him," I said. "He doesn't know we escaped Lebam, so he won't be expecting it."

We walked across the yard carrying the string and got behind Gideon. He was carrying the flashlight in his left hand and the glass jar in his right.

"What are we going to do with this?" asked Dipper. "Tie his shoes together so he trips?"

"We could, but I have a better idea," I said. "I've had lasso training for Pioneer Day."

I made the rope into a lasso and spun it around for a toss. I would only have one chance. If he noticed me...

"Once Ah make you give me the deed, Ah'll take over the Mystery Shack!" Gideon boasted to Grunkle Stan.

"And how do you expect to make me do that?" Stan asked defiantly from inside the jar.

"Mebbe Ah'll smash your grand nephew if you don't," said Gideon. "Ah've got him as a prisoner in mah bedroom."

I threw the lasso and snagged the "on" switch of the flashlight. Dipper, Mabel, and I all pulled and we turned it on. It shone down on Gideon's left leg, shrinking it. He lost his balance and toppled over, dropping the jar. It smashed on a rock and released Stan and Soos, who rushed over and helped us turn the shrinking ray on the rest of Gideon, reducing him to our scale. Then we shut off the flashlight. Soos and Stan held Gideon while we reversed the beam and got everyone back to regular size, except Gideon.

"What ya gonna do with li'l old me?" Gideon asked.

"Yeah, what'll we do with this little jerk?" asked Stan, holding up Gideon by pinching the back of his white tailored suit.

"Like, the jar we were in was smashed but I have another one back at the Shack," said Soos. "I can take him back to his house and enlarge him there."

Soos ran to get the jar.

"Better tie him up first, so he doesn't run in and tell his parents while Soos is still there," I said.

I took the string, and wound and knotted it around Gideon so he was bound hand and foot.

"Ah'll get ya for this, Pacifica," said Gideon.

"I'm so worried," I said.

Soos came back with the jar. He opened it, dropped the bound Gideon into it, and put it in his pocket.

"Something stinks in here," said Gideon from the pocketed jar.

"Sorry dude, the only jar I could find is the one I put a smashed barf fairy in," Soos said. "I tried to wipe it all out, but you know how it goes – there's always a little juice left at the bottom. You'll be fine as long as you haven't eaten anything sweet recently."

"Oh no! I just ate a pint of ice cream," said Gideon. Loud retching noises came from the jar.

"I guess the juice has soaked into your clothes and skin by now, dude. It's really hard to get off the stink: try bathing in tomato juice a few times. And better not eat any sweets for a week," said Soos.

"How do you know all that about barf fairies, Soos?" Mabel asked.

"Personal experience, Mabel. Bitter personal experience," said Soos.

"A week with no ice cream! Ah'll kill y'all!" said Gideon. More retching.

"Shall I take him back using the Mystery Cart, Mr. Pines?" Soos asked.

"Take the bus," Stan said. "I need the cart to deal with the mess he made of our Mirror Maze."

"I hope you don't mind waiting in there a half an hour for the next bus," Dipper said.

Gideon groaned and retched. "Of course Ah mind."

"Serves you right for how you treated us," Mabel said.

I had to agree.

After Soos took Gideon on the bus, Dipper said, "Now you have to agree that there are supernatural things going on in Gravity Falls, Grunkle Stan."

Stan acted like he was waking up.

"Huh? What happened? I can't remember anything," he said.

I know he was faking, but we can't prove it. Anyway, he'll give us an alibi if Gideon tries to get us in trouble. If he even dares – he's got a lot to hide, too.

"It's been wild hanging around with you guys," I told Dipper and Mabel. "Weird things are always happening. I'm going home now before anything worse happens."

"That's our life," said Dipper. "Better get used to it."

"Come over again soon, Cousin Pacifica," said Mabel, giving me a hug.

"I will, for Summerween," I told them.


End file.
